Day 24 of Silence When it Matters (Habits and looking ahead)"

My blogging during this 30 days has been very minimal...

I could give a list of excuses but I will not digress.  I know you are busy and so I just want to say that this has been one of the best things I have ever done in my relationship with my son.  I would like to say that it has been a huge success and that every day mirrored day one (which was a like a breath of fresh air).  But the reality is- I do not have any miraculous transformation to report.  In fact, for the past week or more- the 30 days were frequently forgotten by myself as I slipped back into patterns of reminding, nagging, threatening, etc.  Not exactly a model of reality discipline or love and logic or whatever you want to call it.

All is not a total loss, however.  And if you think about it, it never is.  In the words of Winston: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal:  It is the courage to continue that counts."

So, with the courage that every parent has somewhere inside- I press on toward being the mother I have always wanted to be despite my failure.

One thing I have learned is that when it come to changing a habit ... I must live moment by moment.  I cannot say- "I will never nag again from this day forward".  I cannot even say "I will never nag during this entire week."  I must say as each situation arises- " I will not nag right now.  I will do (fill in the blank) instead."  

For me, this has become about change of thinking - recognizing that my failures are products of habits that I have developed, habits that do not recognize that I am a parent, not a saviour and certainly not the Saviour.  That I am finite.  I have limits.  I have places where I cannot go- I cannot go into the recesses of my children's hearts and I cannot change them.  

I must think about myself.  I must control my own thinking - taking every thought captive for the kingdom without end.  I must control my own attitude.  I cannot do this for anyone but myself.  That is what I am learning over and over as I fight to change my habits as a parent.  I learn it over and over in every failure, and yes, in the few times I get it right.  And I know that I will get there.  

And so will you...God has given us control of our own minds, thinking and attitudes.  What a wonderful gift!  Press on my friend.

Focus for the last six days... LIVE IN THE MOMENT.  HABITS ARE CHANGED BY SMALL  DEGREES, NOT IN AN INSTANT.

"Yesterday I was clever,  so I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."  Rumi